So, between difficult life events, a new job, and other adjustments, it’s been difficult to find the time or will to blog, but I’m back, hopefully somewhat consistently again.
While doing some reading about emotional issues and depression, I realized I’d been experiencing mood swings, rather than full depression. But not knowing they were mood swings, I’d often make a downturn much worse by reacting to it as if my whole life were defined by it, believing my plans and goals had to change because they were impossible for me to achieve.
Then when I’d feel better, I’d still be discouraged and give too much credence to the thought patterns I’d followed during the episode of anxiety and depression, and whenever I got up the courage to try something again, the next downturn would turn everything inside out again. It was like I had to rebuild my entire self perception and life goals every few days, or a few times a day.
The good news is, now I know they were, at least usually, mere mood swings. Probably triggered by real problems or difficulties, but not at all something that should change the course of my life or define me in any way. Knowing this, when I start to feel depressed, I can grit my teeth against it, pray, and ride it out. I’m sure there will be more difficult times ahead as I fight these emotional storms, but I feel much more hopeful that, with help, I’ll be able to overcome them.
To avoid changing my plans all the time, I’m going to put together a simple schedule mainly to make sure I eat consistently, and pursue my more personal projects, such as writing, and web design, rather than just existing to go to my day job and make money. I’m sending this schedule to a couple of friends and mentors, and I plan to stick to it for a month before changing anything, regardless of how useful the changes may prove to be. Having a routine, I think, will help me weather, and even avoid, mood swings a lot better than I did before.
I’ll probably keep trying to blog every Saturday, at least. Tomorrow I’ll be helping a good friend of mine promote a book series, so watch for that! It should be fun. 😀